i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
