i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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