no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think my moral compass just broke
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
