I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
