Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
