Midget sex pt 2 tonight
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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