yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
