I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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