Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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