i just google imaged poop.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
