Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
