I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Bring me that man meat
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
