He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
