I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
