im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
