Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
