Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
