I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
