went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
