My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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