Plan B is the new Plan A
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
