i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
