I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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