Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
