Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
