Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
