man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
