somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Vodka?
Forever.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
