The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
