I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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