I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Sober January is a disaster.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
