every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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