okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
