Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
