No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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