this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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