drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
