I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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