Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
did you just send me my own nude
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
