I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
