so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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