Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
