foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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