I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
