I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
