Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
