look no pants
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
