I think I died a long time ago.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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