Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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