i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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