so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
