Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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