me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
