is your mom at the bar?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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