My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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