five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she looked like the before picture.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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