I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
