so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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