Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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