so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
