You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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