We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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