I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
