Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
